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The uphill battle.

Mikael's pain has seemed to stay consistently bad over the last few days. He has moments where his meds are working, but there are definite moments of catch up.. This is why he is still in the hospital, they are trying to figure out the timing of his pain meds so that we can avoid the lapses between doses where the pain starts to increase.

As far as the food thing goes, it's still much the same. We are trying to figure out food he can successfully eat without having to pay with pain afterwords. He's definitely wanting to eat, which is good but we just need him to eat more without any discomfort!

I'm going to really start to share candidly here: I know I'm speaking for my family when I say this, but this has been very frustrating for all of us. We want more than anything to help Mike, to get him food to eat and to see him pain free. But this is where feelings of total helplessness come in.

I also know that the fight is more and more frustrating for Mike. Living with constant pain and not being able to eat has basically been going on for over two months already, (the pain being much much longer). And here we are, with little to no improvements. He's unbelievably tough and I am so proud of him, but I know he is just so ready for resolution in all of this.

I am so freaking proud of my family. The strength Jolene has had these last weeks literally leaves me speechless. She's fierce people, and it's incredible. And my parents, they are incredibly determined and disciplined in keeping us all on track with his treatment. My other brother Marek, and Kendra, just amazing.

For us to have received such a hopeless diagnosis, and even now, it seems impossible. But here we are, fighting for his life through prayer and what we can through his naturopathic treatment.

As I write this my heart is in pieces because all I want is for this to be over - for Mikael to be fully restored and healed. There is such a sorrow that has accompanied this journey, and yet, through the grace of the Father, I have this resounding hope and belief that Mike WILL BE HEALED.

The other day while I was just spending time with the Lord, I felt this impression of 'the wait.' That while we continue to believe for healing for Mikael, that in the wait a greater healing is happening. We've seen it in relationships, and even just how so many people have come together for us. It's this greater redemption that has been happening beyond the cancer; beauty amidst the ashes.

The in between prayers:

Pray for the pain to be gone in Mike's abdomen. Pray for his strength to be replenished. Pray for protection over his mind and his spirit as he continues to fight through this. That every time he sleeps, his body heals just that much more. Pray that he gets to come home!

Pray for us, as his family that we would remain strong and able to be there for Mikael and for each other. Pray for peace as we go to and from the hospital and daily tasks. Pray for protection over our minds and spirits. Pray for rest - that our sleep would be uninterrupted and we would always wake up feeling replenished.

And here's my prayer:

Father, thank you so much for your grace and love that has been so evident. You are so incredible - your faithfulness leaves me in awe. May we truly sense you in every moment of every day - to be aware of you here with us. I pray for every person who has stepped up in support for our family - I thank you for each and every one of them - bless them, keep them. I pray for the miracles that they too are believing for that in Jesus name, whatever it is it would come to be. We love you Lord, you are so so good. Thank you for all that you've done and all that you are doing. Amen.