Processes and prayers.
Once again here I am sitting with Mikael. It’s been a rough few days. Actually, it’s been a rough week.
With a continuance of pain and discomfort comes discouragement and I think that goes for all of us.
Frustrating - beyond frustrating. Draining. Overwhelming. Angering. Sadness filling... Descriptors that make me more frustrated because of how they feel.
I believe almost painfully much in the promise of a miracle for my brother. So much so that as I watch him struggle and journey through this it feels as if more of my heart is breaking away.
What has plagued my thoughts is - why aren’t my/our prayers working? That’s when I go through all the teachings I’ve received on healing and watch testimonies, taking notes on how I should be praying. Or on changes I can make to my prayers because in my mind I must not be praying correctly. I must be doing something if not everything wrong.
Then the Father revealed to me it’s not a matter of how I pray - praying wrong - but it’s simply just a matter of honesty. It’s a matter of the heart.
I have received a lot of teaching about healing and miracles and it has all been challenging and also life changing and all of it totally valid. But at the end of the day the healer is JESUS. It’s not going to be my prayer that I prayed on my knees crying at sunset that will heal Mike. It’s the love of the Father coming down and manifesting in his body. (Actually, something I heard this weekend - it’s a matter of an encounter with the love of Jesus. One of the ways love is manifested is through healings/miracles.) It’s the power of Him who set the stars into motion meeting the reality of this situation - the economy of heaven rushing down - all in an instant.
All He’s asking of me is honesty. Heart prayers - not overthinking but simply just being with Him, allowing Him to encourage my heart. Still believing for a miracle, but not getting distracted along the way.
This is where peace comes in because that’s what we need. That’s what I need. To be continuall reminded that He is here, with me, with Mikael, with my family as we journey through. Where it feels like a void there is no void because He is here.
I felt I needed to share that, so share I did. With that, here are the in between prayers:
Pray that the fluid build up would slow down. Every time they drain him, his sodium levels drop. Not only that but the fluid build up is extremely uncomfortable for Mike. And also painful. So, NO MORE FLUID IN JESUS NAME!!
Pray for restful nights. He doesn’t sleep through the night - hasn’t for a while - so pray that he would wake up each morning fully rested! And that he would sleep through the night!
Pray that his heart stays encouraged. That he would experience the peace and presence of the Father in every moment. Pray for peace over his mind.
Pray for Jolene and the girls - the flu has hit Brielle - so pray that she is healed and that neither Jolene nor Eden would get sick. Pray that all of us would stay healthy and well so that we don’t have to worry about staying away from Mikael.
With that, here is a verse I’ve written tonight on the white board in his room:
The Lord will send His faithful love by day,
His song will be with me in the night -
A prayer to the God of my life.
Psalm 42:8