Facts versus truth.
I'm going to start this post with some brutal honesty: the last couple days have been difficult on all fronts.
As much as I struggle with the words to say right now, I will say this: Mikael has been getting weaker, physically speaking.
They have put a central line in which will make blood draws and such much easier. His sodium is still low, but stable which makes it somewhat manageable.
Something that was spoken over Mikael and over all of us this evening was this : the facts say that Mikael's diagnosis is terminal. The facts also say that his body is getting weaker and hope should be fading. BUT the truth - God's truth - is that there is hope. God's truth is that Jesus conquered the grave over 2,000 years ago. The truth is that Jesus has the final word.
I will be honest in saying there are moments where I see my brother and my heart wonders. Today was a day of being overwhelmed by that and being caught up in 'the facts.' Today was a day of many tears.
I believe and hope that Mikael will be healed here, on this earth. I will not lose that hope.
No matter the outcome my heart is still steadfast on the truth that God is good. He did not put this cancer in Mikael, it was not His words that gave my brother pain. It is not Him who is causing Mikael to suffer.
God is a good Father who cares deeply for all His children. What Jesus accomplished at the cross put into motion an even deeper love for His kids (us). I know that may sound off as God's love is the same yesterday as today. But I'm talking about a new manifestation of His love where we don't need to make sacrifices any more, or need to be held to "the law." Christ abolished the law. Put death in it's place.
If I even begin to entertain the why's of this journey, I know my heart will be overwhelmed by lies determined to distract me from Jesus. To even doubt the goodness of God even for a split second - which faced with sickness can be easy - is a path I will not take.
Healing is a mystery. It's a path where we cannot blame ourselves or God, no matter the outcome but simply just trust Him and rest in His love.
I'm faced with a certain reality when looking at my brother. We all are. Yet we choose to believe there's more.
There's more to this story that we don't yet see. There is also more that we are seeing already.
The more is Jesus. The more is the power of His presence in our lives. The more is the families we have now been connected with as they too fight for their loved ones. The more is the ability that even while faced with "the facts" we still hold onto hope.
Redemption. Hope restored. Being drawn deeper to the Father's heart through this process of grief and believing in more.
So as we continue to pray and believe together, may we rest in the Father's love. May we take courage in the peace He gives.
To be still and know that He is fighting for us - but really - to be still and know that He has already won.