With great sorrow, yet also with hope.
There truly is no easy way to say what I'm about to say. On February 9th my brother Mikael went to be with Jesus.
Even after typing that, I pause, because it just seems so surreal.
It took me so long to leave his side. Everything in me quaked at the thought that he's gone. In my head I prayed over and over, heart beat again, heart beat again....
But it didn't.
I don't know a lot, but I do know this.
God is good. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. In this moment there is such an incredible sadness - a grief which feels like a thousand pounds resting on my chest.
It comes in waves, in rain showers and sprinkles. It takes your breath away in a way that feels like you will never properly breathe again.
But God is still good. He is still the same yesterday, today and forever.
In this sorrow and grief that our family and friends are now facing, there is still hope.
Hope because Jesus is the final word.
As I drove home I had a moment where deep wells of grief opened up and it was then when I imagined I was pounding on the chest of God as I yelled, "But you promised us, God! You promised!!" Being the good Father He is, He took it. With grace and compassion. With complete love He took me in His arms as sorrow ripped me apart.
And as I just wrote that I had the realization that while God is holding me, ever so close, He is also holding Mikael - even closer.
For Mikael there is now no more suffering, or fighting through pain. And after so long of both of those, he is free. Completely and totally free.
This is not the way I pictured this going. That's just being honest. There were many moments where I imagined Mike just getting up and walking out of that hospital room. All day on Friday, that's what I kept seeing. I really didn't think he would actually go.
But he did.
While he didn't walk out in the physical sense where we would be with him, he did walk out; into eternity to be with Jesus. Into the presence of Perfect Love.
I know these next few days and weeks are going to be full of ups and downs. A roller coaster of emotions.
I already miss Mike so so much.
There will be days of many tears, and also days of many laughs just remembering Mikael and his fire for life.
There will be moments where it seems impossible to get out of bed and function in a normal way - yet other days where I seem to accomplish much.
These days to come will be full of much process.
There will also be a continued belief that God is a miracle working God. I know I will see many more miracles in my lifetime; this is not in any way something that will dampen my belief in a God who shows His love in such an incredible way. And I pray the same for all of you who came along side of us through this journey.
To all of you, thank you for your prayers - and your continued prayers for our family as we walk this out. I pray that you too, in all of this would encounter God in a new, fresh way.
May we truly live out Mikael's legacy. To adventure much, to dream wildly and to love God with everything that we are, allowing that love to spill out in every way in our lives.
Love you Mikael, and I'll see you soon.